“The saddest thing in life is saying a personal quiet goodbye to someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Don’t finish the story, you don’t own the ability to finish the last chapter, but you can turn the page and start writing a new one.”. Gospel according to Dick, February 28th 2019
I woke up this morning with a realisation that life had to go on. That the woman that I filed divorce papers on at haste in the summer has moved on with her life and immediately replaced me, before our relationship had finished, with another woman. A married woman no less. When your wife has been having sex with someone else and has replaced you in the marital bed immediately, the damage it does to your confidence is enormous. The hurt is incredibly hard to describe or to find coping methodologies to secure a recovery from.
I have a new life ahead of me and I have no idea what that looks like and staying single and taking baby steps
I married for life, made a family, have amazing children and a huge amount of love and pride for the woman that I made those children with. Life is difficult, life is unpredictable and different people have different values.
One day I hope she realises I am not the enemy and that her infidelity hurt massively as did the lies and deceit. When she had affairs before when we first met it floored me. This time it destroyed my confidence, my ability to see straight when all I wanted to ever to do was sit down with her talk and say goodbye. I never got that chance, I was just disposed of, replaced in a heartbeat.
Infatuation with a new partner when you’re already married to your husband sucks. It wasn’t at all right. I would never ever have done it to her, but then life isn’t black and white. I hope one day she realises how much I cared and how much I was her biggest fan and HB.
What matters now is two amazing little boys and the future. What that looks like I don’t know, but it is entirely centred around them. Don’t anyone kick me for being a proud dad, and holding that person who hurt me and still continues to enjoy doing so very close to my heart. Anger, grief, despair, happiness and optimism are all natural bedfellows of one half of a divorcing couple.
Where the other party has an affair they are insulated from those feelings, one day she will sit up and realise just how much she mattered. She was my everything.
Life does indeed go on. This too shall pass. No timescales, no goals just small baby steps. One at a time, and when I trip up I’ll do my level best to learn where I went wrong.
I am so lucky to have had what I had for as long as I had. I wanted more.